PART III. A VOYAGE TO LAPUTA, BALNIBARBI,
GLUBBDUBDRIB, LUGGNAGG AND JAPAN.
CHAPTER I.
The author sets out on his third voyage. Is taken by pirates. The
malice of a Dutchman. His arrival at an island. He is received into
Laputa.
I had not been at home above ten days, when Captain William Robinson,
a Cornish man, commander of the Hopewell, a stout ship of three
hundred tons, came to my house. I had formerly been surgeon of another
ship where he was master, and a fourth part owner, in a voyage to the
Levant. He had always treated me more like a brother, than an inferior
officer; and, hearing of my arrival, made me a visit, as I apprehended
only out of friendship, for nothing passed more than what is usual
after long absences. But repeating his visits often, expressing his
joy to find me in good health, asking, ``whether I were now settled
for life?'' adding, ``that he intended a voyage to the East Indies in
two months,'' at last he plainly invited me, though with some
apologies, to be surgeon of the ship; ``that I should have another
surgeon under me, beside our two mates; that my salary should be
double to the usual pay; and that having experienced my knowledge in
sea-affairs to be at least equal to his, he would enter into any
engagement to follow my advice, as much as if I had shared in the
command.''
He said so many other obliging things, and I knew him to be so honest a man,
that I could not reject this proposal; the thirst I had of seeing the world,
notwithstanding my past misfortunes, continuing as violent as ever. The only
difficulty that remained, was to persuade my wife, whose consent however I at
last obtained, by the prospect of advantage she proposed to her children.
We set out the 5th day of August, 1706, and arrived at Fort St. George the 11th
of April, 1707. We staid there three weeks to refresh our crew, many of whom
were sick. From thence we went to Tonquin, where the captain resolved to
continue some time, because many of the goods he intended to buy were not
ready, nor could he expect to be dispatched in several months. Therefore, in
hopes to defray some of the charges he must be at, he bought a sloop, loaded it
with several sorts of goods, wherewith the Tonquinese usually trade to the
neighbouring islands, and putting fourteen men on board, whereof three were of
the country, he appointed me master of the sloop, and gave me power to traffic,
while he transacted his affairs at Tonquin.
We had not sailed above three days, when a great storm arising, we were driven
five days to the north-north-east, and then to the east: after which we had
fair weather, but still with a pretty strong gale from the west. Upon the tenth
day we were chased by two pirates, who soon overtook us; for my sloop was so
deep laden, that she sailed very slow, neither were we in a condition to defend
ourselves.
We were boarded about the same time by both the pirates, who entered furiously
at the head of their men; but finding us all prostrate upon our faces (for so I
gave order), they pinioned us with strong ropes, and setting guard upon us,
went to search the sloop.
I observed among them a Dutchman, who seemed to be of some authority, though he
was not commander of either ship. He knew us by our countenances to be
Englishmen, and jabbering to us in his own language, swore we should be tied
back to back and thrown into the sea. I spoke Dutch tolerably well; I told him
who we were, and begged him, in consideration of our being Christians and
Protestants, of neighbouring countries in strict alliance, that he would move
the captains to take some pity on us. This inflamed his rage; he repeated his
threatenings, and turning to his companions, spoke with great vehemence in the
Japanese language, as I suppose, often using the word Christianos.
The largest of the two pirate ships was commanded by a Japanese captain, who
spoke a little Dutch, but very imperfectly. He came up to me, and after several
questions, which I answered in great humility, he said, ``we should not
die.'' I made the captain a very low bow, and then, turning to the
Dutchman, said, ``I was sorry to find more mercy in a heathen, than in a
brother christian.'' But I had soon reason to repent those foolish words:
for that malicious reprobate, having often endeavoured in vain to persuade both
the captains that I might be thrown into the sea (which they would not yield
to, after the promise made me that I should not die), however, prevailed so
far, as to have a punishment inflicted on me, worse, in all human appearance,
than death itself. My men were sent by an equal division into both the pirate
ships, and my sloop new manned. As to myself, it was determined that I should
be set adrift in a small canoe, with paddles and a sail, and four days'
provisions; which last, the Japanese captain was so kind to double out of his
own stores, and would permit no man to search me. I got down into the canoe,
while the Dutchman, standing upon the deck, loaded me with all the curses and
injurious terms his language could afford.
About an hour before we saw the pirates I had taken an observation, and found
we were in the latitude of 46 N. and longitude of 183. When I was at some
distance from the pirates, I discovered, by my pocket-glass, several islands to
the south-east. I set up my sail, the wind being fair, with a design to reach
the nearest of those islands, which I made a shift to do, in about three hours.
It was all rocky: however I got many birds' eggs; and, striking fire, I
kindled some heath and dry sea-weed, by which I roasted my eggs. I ate no other
supper, being resolved to spare my provisions as much as I could. I passed the
night under the shelter of a rock, strewing some heath under me, and slept
pretty well.
The next day I sailed to another island, and thence to a third and fourth,
sometimes using my sail, and sometimes my paddles. But, not to trouble the
reader with a particular account of my distresses, let it suffice, that on the
fifth day I arrived at the last island in my sight, which lay south-south-east
to the former.
This island was at a greater distance than I expected, and I did not reach it
in less than five hours. I encompassed it almost round, before I could find a
convenient place to land in; which was a small creek, about three times the
wideness of my canoe. I found the island to be all rocky, only a little
intermingled with tufts of grass, and sweet-smelling herbs. I took out my small
provisions and after having refreshed myself, I secured the remainder in a
cave, whereof there were great numbers; I gathered plenty of eggs upon the
rocks, and got a quantity of dry sea-weed, and parched grass, which I designed
to kindle the next day, and roast my eggs as well as I could, for I had about
me my flint, steel, match, and burning-glass. I lay all night in the cave where
I had lodged my provisions. My bed was the same dry grass and sea-weed which I
intended for fuel. I slept very little, for the disquiets of my mind prevailed
over my weariness, and kept me awake.
I considered how impossible it was to
preserve my life in so desolate a place, and how miserable my end must be: yet
found myself so listless and desponding, that I had not the heart to rise; and
before I could get spirits enough to creep out of my cave, the day was far
advanced. I walked awhile among the rocks: the sky was perfectly clear, and the
sun so hot, that I was forced to turn my face from it: when all on a sudden it
became obscure, as I thought, in a manner very different from what happens by
the interposition of a cloud. I turned back, and perceived a vast opaque body
between me and the sun moving forwards towards the island: it seemed to be
about two miles high, and hid the sun six or seven minutes; but I did not
observe the air to be much colder, or the sky more darkened, than if I had
stood under the shade of a mountain. As it approached nearer over the place
where I was, it appeared to be a firm substance, the bottom flat, smooth, and
shining very bright, from the reflection of the sea below. I stood upon a
height about two hundred yards from the shore, and saw this vast body
descending almost to a parallel with me, at less than an English mile distance.
I took out my pocket perspective, and could plainly discover numbers of people
moving up and down the sides of it, which appeared to be sloping; but what
those people were doing I was not able to distinguish.
The natural love of life gave me some inward motion of joy, and I was ready to
entertain a hope that this adventure might, some way or other, help to deliver
me from the desolate place and condition I was in. But at the same time the
reader can hardly conceive my astonishment, to behold an island in the air,
inhabited by men, who were able (as it should seem) to raise or sink, or put it
into progressive motion, as they pleased. But not being at that time in a
disposition to philosophise upon this phenomenon, I rather chose to observe
what course the island would take, because it seemed for a while to stand
still. Yet soon after, it advanced nearer, and I could see the sides of it
encompassed with several gradations of galleries, and stairs, at certain
intervals, to descend from one to the other. In the lowest gallery, I beheld
some people fishing with long angling rods, and others looking on. I waved my
cap (for my hat was long since worn out) and my handkerchief toward the island;
and upon its nearer approach, I called and shouted with the utmost strength of
my voice; and then looking circumspectly, I beheld a crowd gather to that side
which was most in my view. I found by their pointing towards me and to each
other, that they plainly discovered me, although they made no return to my
shouting. But I could see four or five men running in great haste, up the
stairs, to the top of the island, who then disappeared. I happened rightly to
conjecture, that these were sent for orders to some person in authority upon
this occasion.
The number of people increased, and, in less than half an hour, the island was
moved and raised in such a manner, that the lowest gallery appeared in a
parallel of less than a hundred yards distance from the height where I stood. I
then put myself in the most supplicating posture, and spoke in the humblest
accent, but received no answer. Those who stood nearest over against me, seemed
to be persons of distinction, as I supposed by their habit. They conferred
earnestly with each other, looking often upon me. At length one of them called
out in a clear, polite, smooth dialect, not unlike in sound to the Italian: and
therefore I returned an answer in that language, hoping at least that the
cadence might be more agreeable to his ears. Although neither of us understood
the other, yet my meaning was easily known, for the people saw the distress I
was in.
They made signs for me to come down from the rock, and go towards the shore,
which I accordingly did; and the flying island being raised to a convenient
height, the verge directly over me, a chain was let down from the lowest
gallery, with a seat fastened to the bottom, to which I fixed myself, and was
drawn up by pulleys.
CHAPTER II.
The humours and dispositions of the Laputians described. An account of their
learning. Of the king and his court. The author's reception there. The
inhabitants subject to fear and disquietudes. An account of the women.
At my alighting, I was surrounded with a crowd of people, but those who stood
nearest seemed to be of better quality. They beheld me with all the marks and
circumstances of wonder; neither indeed was I much in their debt, having never
till then seen a race of mortals so singular in their shapes, habits, and
countenances. Their heads were all reclined, either to the right, or the left;
one of their eyes turned inward, and the other directly up to the zenith. Their
outward garments were adorned with the figures of suns, moons, and stars;
interwoven with those of fiddles, flutes, harps, trumpets, guitars,
harpsichords, and many other instruments of music, unknown to us in Europe. I
observed, here and there, many in the habit of servants, with a blown bladder,
fastened like a flail to the end of a stick, which they carried in their hands.
In each bladder was a small quantity of dried peas, or little pebbles, as I was
afterwards informed. With these bladders, they now and then flapped the mouths
and ears of those who stood near them, of which practice I could not then
conceive the meaning. It seems the minds of these people are so taken up with
intense speculations, that they neither can speak, nor attend to the discourses
of others, without being roused by some external taction upon the organs of
speech and hearing; for which reason, those persons who are able to afford it
always keep a flapper (the original is climenole) in their family, as
one of their domestics; nor ever walk abroad, or make visits, without him. And
the business of this officer is, when two, three, or more persons are in
company, gently to strike with his bladder the mouth of him who is to speak,
and the right ear of him or them to whom the speaker addresses himself. This
flapper is likewise employed diligently to attend his master in his walks, and
upon occasion to give him a soft flap on his eyes; because he is always so
wrapped up in cogitation, that he is in manifest danger of falling down every
precipice, and bouncing his head against every post; and in the streets, of
justling others, or being justled himself into the kennel.
It was necessary to give the reader this information, without which he would be
at the same loss with me to understand the proceedings of these people, as they
conducted me up the stairs to the top of the island, and from thence to the
royal palace. While we were ascending, they forgot several times what they were
about, and left me to myself, till their memories were again roused by their
flappers; for they appeared altogether unmoved by the sight of my foreign habit
and countenance, and by the shouts of the vulgar, whose thoughts and minds were
more disengaged.
At last we entered the palace, and proceeded into the chamber of presence,
where I saw the king seated on his throne, attended on each side by persons of
prime quality. Before the throne, was a large table filled with globes and
spheres, and mathematical instruments of all kinds. His majesty took not the
least notice of us, although our entrance was not without sufficient noise, by
the concourse of all persons belonging to the court. But he was then deep in a
problem; and we attended at least an hour, before he could solve it. There
stood by him, on each side, a young page with flaps in their hands, and when
they saw he was at leisure, one of them gently struck his mouth, and the other
his right ear; at which he startled like one awaked on the sudden, and looking
towards me and the company I was in, recollected the occasion of our coming,
whereof he had been informed before. He spoke some words, whereupon immediately
a young man with a flap came up to my side, and flapped me gently on the right
ear; but I made signs, as well as I could, that I had no occasion for such an
instrument; which, as I afterwards found, gave his majesty, and the whole
court, a very mean opinion of my understanding. The king, as far as I could
conjecture, asked me several questions, and I addressed myself to him in all
the languages I had. When it was found I could neither understand nor be
understood, I was conducted by his order to an apartment in his palace (this
prince being distinguished above all his predecessors for his hospitality to
strangers), where two servants were appointed to attend me. My dinner was
brought, and four persons of quality, whom I remembered to have seen very near
the king's person, did me the honour to dine with me. We had two courses,
of three dishes each. In the first course, there was a shoulder of mutton cut
into an equilateral triangle, a piece of beef into a rhomboides, and a pudding
into a cycloid. The second course was two ducks trussed up in the form of
fiddles; sausages and puddings resembling flutes and hautboys, and a breast of
veal in the shape of a harp. The servants cut our bread into cones, cylinders,
parallelograms, and several other mathematical figures.
While we were at dinner, I made bold to ask the names of several things in
their language, and those noble persons, by the assistance of their flappers,
delighted to give me answers, hoping to raise my admiration of their great
abilities if I could be brought to converse with them. I was soon able to call
for bread and drink, or whatever else I wanted.
After dinner my company withdrew, and a person was sent to me by the
king's order, attended by a flapper. He brought with him pen, ink, and
paper, and three or four books, giving me to understand by signs, that he was
sent to teach me the language. We sat together four hours, in which time I
wrote down a great number of words in columns, with the translations over
against them; I likewise made a shift to learn several short sentences; for my
tutor would order one of my servants to fetch something, to turn about, to make
a bow, to sit, or to stand, or walk, and the like. Then I took down the
sentence in writing. He showed me also, in one of his books, the figures of the
sun, moon, and stars, the zodiac, the tropics, and polar circles, together with
the denominations of many planes and solids. He gave me the names and
descriptions of all the musical instruments, and the general terms of art in
playing on each of them. After he had left me, I placed all my words, with
their interpretations, in alphabetical order. And thus, in a few days, by the
help of a very faithful memory, I got some insight into their language. The
word, which I interpret the flying or floating island, is in the original
Laputa, whereof I could never learn the true etymology. Lap, in
the old obsolete language, signifies high; and untuh, a governor; from
which they say, by corruption, was derived Laputa, from Lapuntuh.
But I do not approve of this derivation, which seems to be a little strained. I
ventured to offer to the learned among them a conjecture of my own, that Laputa
was quasi lap outed; lap, signifying properly, the dancing of the
sunbeams in the sea, and outed, a wing; which, however, I shall not
obtrude, but submit to the judicious reader.
Those to whom the king had entrusted me, observing how ill I was clad, ordered
a tailor to come next morning, and take measure for a suit of clothes. This
operator did his office after a different manner from those of his trade in
Europe. He first took my altitude by a quadrant, and then, with a rule and
compasses, described the dimensions and outlines of my whole body, all which he
entered upon paper; and in six days brought my clothes very ill made, and quite
out of shape, by happening to mistake a figure in the calculation. But my
comfort was, that I observed such accidents very frequent, and little regarded.
During my confinement for want of clothes, and by an indisposition that held me
some days longer, I much enlarged my dictionary; and when I went next to court,
was able to understand many things the king spoke, and to return him some kind
of answers. His majesty had given orders, that the island should move
north-east and by east, to the vertical point over Lagado, the metropolis of
the whole kingdom below, upon the firm earth. It was about ninety leagues
distant, and our voyage lasted four days and a half. I was not in the least
sensible of the progressive motion made in the air by the island. On the second
morning, about eleven o'clock, the king himself in person, attended by
his nobility, courtiers, and officers, having prepared all their musical
instruments, played on them for three hours without intermission, so that I was
quite stunned with the noise; neither could I possibly guess the meaning, till
my tutor informed me. He said that, the people of their island had their ears
adapted to hear ``the music of the spheres, which always played at certain
periods, and the court was now prepared to bear their part, in whatever
instrument they most excelled.”
In our journey towards Lagado, the capital city, his majesty ordered that the
island should stop over certain towns and villages, from whence he might
receive the petitions of his subjects. And to this purpose, several packthreads
were let down, with small weights at the bottom. On these packthreads the
people strung their petitions, which mounted up directly, like the scraps of
paper fastened by schoolboys at the end of the string that holds their kite.
Sometimes we received wine and victuals from below, which were drawn up by
pulleys.
The knowledge I had in mathematics gave me great assistance in acquiring their
phraseology, which depended much upon that science, and music; and in the
latter I was not unskilled. Their ideas are perpetually conversant in lines and
figures. If they would, for example, praise the beauty of a woman, or any other
animal, they describe it by rhombs, circles, parallelograms, ellipses, and
other geometrical terms, or by words of art drawn from music, needless here to
repeat. I observed in the king's kitchen all sorts of mathematical and
musical instruments, after the figures of which they cut up the joints that
were served to his majesty's table.
Their houses are very ill built, the walls bevel, without one right angle in
any apartment; and this defect arises from the contempt they bear to practical
geometry, which they despise as vulgar and mechanic; those instructions they
give being too refined for the intellects of their workmen, which occasions
perpetual mistakes. And although they are dexterous enough upon a piece of
paper, in the management of the rule, the pencil, and the divider, yet in the
common actions and behaviour of life, I have not seen a more clumsy, awkward,
and unhandy people, nor so slow and perplexed in their conceptions upon all
other subjects, except those of mathematics and music. They are very bad
reasoners, and vehemently given to opposition, unless when they happen to be of
the right opinion, which is seldom their case. Imagination, fancy, and
invention, they are wholly strangers to, nor have any words in their language,
by which those ideas can be expressed; the whole compass of their thoughts and
mind being shut up within the two forementioned sciences.
Most of them, and especially those who deal in the astronomical part, have
great faith in judicial astrology, although they are ashamed to own it
publicly. But what I chiefly admired, and thought altogether unaccountable, was
the strong disposition I observed in them towards news and politics,
perpetually inquiring into public affairs, giving their judgments in matters of
state, and passionately disputing every inch of a party opinion. I have indeed
observed the same disposition among most of the mathematicians I have known in
Europe, although I could never discover the least analogy between the two
sciences; unless those people suppose, that because the smallest circle has as
many degrees as the largest, therefore the regulation and management of the
world require no more abilities than the handling and turning of a globe; but I
rather take this quality to spring from a very common infirmity of human
nature, inclining us to be most curious and conceited in matters where we have
least concern, and for which we are least adapted by study or nature.
These people are under continual disquietudes, never enjoying a minute's
peace of mind; and their disturbances proceed from causes which very little
affect the rest of mortals. Their apprehensions arise from several changes they
dread in the celestial bodies: for instance, that the earth, by the continual
approaches of the sun towards it, must, in course of time, be absorbed, or
swallowed up; that the face of the sun, will, by degrees, be encrusted with its
own effluvia, and give no more light to the world; that the earth very narrowly
escaped a brush from the tail of the last comet, which would have infallibly
reduced it to ashes; and that the next, which they have calculated for
one-and-thirty years hence, will probably destroy us. For if, in its
perihelion, it should approach within a certain degree of the sun (as by their
calculations they have reason to dread) it will receive a degree of heat ten
thousand times more intense than that of red hot glowing iron, and in its
absence from the sun, carry a blazing tail ten hundred thousand and fourteen
miles long, through which, if the earth should pass at the distance of one
hundred thousand miles from the nucleus, or main body of the comet, it must in
its passage be set on fire, and reduced to ashes: that the sun, daily spending
its rays without any nutriment to supply them, will at last be wholly consumed
and annihilated; which must be attended with the destruction of this earth, and
of all the planets that receive their light from it.
They are so perpetually alarmed with the apprehensions of these, and the like
impending dangers, that they can neither sleep quietly in their beds, nor have
any relish for the common pleasures and amusements of life. When they meet an
acquaintance in the morning, the first question is about the sun's
health, how he looked at his setting and rising, and what hopes they have to
avoid the stroke of the approaching comet. This conversation they are apt to
run into with the same temper that boys discover in delighting to hear terrible
stories of spirits and hobgoblins, which they greedily listen to, and dare not
go to bed for fear.
The women of the island have abundance of vivacity: they contemn their
husbands, and are exceedingly fond of strangers, whereof there is always a
considerable number from the continent below, attending at court, either upon
affairs of the several towns and corporations, or their own particular
occasions, but are much despised, because they want the same endowments. Among
these the ladies choose their gallants: but the vexation is, that they act with
too much ease and security; for the husband is always so rapt in speculation,
that the mistress and lover may proceed to the greatest familiarities before
his face, if he be but provided with paper and implements, and without his
flapper at his side.
The wives and daughters lament their confinement to the island, although I
think it the most delicious spot of ground in the world; and although they live
here in the greatest plenty and magnificence, and are allowed to do whatever
they please, they long to see the world, and take the diversions of the
metropolis, which they are not allowed to do without a particular license from
the king; and this is not easy to be obtained, because the people of quality
have found, by frequent experience, how hard it is to persuade their women to
return from below. I was told that a great court lady, who had several
children,—is married to the prime minister, the richest subject in the
kingdom, a very graceful person, extremely fond of her, and lives in the finest
palace of the island,—went down to Lagado on the pretence of health,
there hid herself for several months, till the king sent a warrant to search
for her; and she was found in an obscure eating-house all in rags, having
pawned her clothes to maintain an old deformed footman, who beat her every day,
and in whose company she was taken, much against her will. And although her
husband received her with all possible kindness, and without the least
reproach, she soon after contrived to steal down again, with all her jewels, to
the same gallant, and has not been heard of since.
This may perhaps pass with the reader rather for an European or English story,
than for one of a country so remote. But he may please to consider, that the
caprices of womankind are not limited by any climate or nation, and that they
are much more uniform, than can be easily imagined.
In about a month's time, I had made a tolerable proficiency in their
language, and was able to answer most of the king's questions, when I had
the honour to attend him. His majesty discovered not the least curiosity to
inquire into the laws, government, history, religion, or manners of the
countries where I had been; but confined his questions to the state of
mathematics, and received the account I gave him with great contempt and
indifference, though often roused by his flapper on each side.
CHAPTER III.
A phenomenon solved by modern philosophy and astronomy. The Laputians'
great improvements in the latter. The king's method of suppressing
insurrections.
I desired leave of this prince to see the curiosities of the island, which he
was graciously pleased to grant, and ordered my tutor to attend me. I chiefly
wanted to know, to what cause, in art or in nature, it owed its several
motions, whereof I will now give a philosophical account to the reader.
The flying or floating island is exactly circular, its diameter 7837 yards, or
about four miles and a half, and consequently contains ten thousand acres. It
is three hundred yards thick. The bottom, or under surface, which appears to
those who view it below, is one even regular plate of adamant, shooting up to
the height of about two hundred yards. Above it lie the several minerals in
their usual order, and over all is a coat of rich mould, ten or twelve feet
deep. The declivity of the upper surface, from the circumference to the centre,
is the natural cause why all the dews and rains, which fall upon the island,
are conveyed in small rivulets toward the middle, where they are emptied into
four large basins, each of about half a mile in circuit, and two hundred yards
distant from the centre. From these basins the water is continually exhaled by
the sun in the daytime, which effectually prevents their overflowing. Besides,
as it is in the power of the monarch to raise the island above the region of
clouds and vapours, he can prevent the falling of dews and rain whenever he
pleases. For the highest clouds cannot rise above two miles, as naturalists
agree, at least they were never known to do so in that country.
At the centre of the island there is a chasm about fifty yards in diameter,
whence the astronomers descend into a large dome, which is therefore called
flandona gagnole, or the astronomer's cave, situated at the depth
of a hundred yards beneath the upper surface of the adamant. In this cave are
twenty lamps continually burning, which, from the reflection of the adamant,
cast a strong light into every part. The place is stored with great variety of
sextants, quadrants, telescopes, astrolabes, and other astronomical
instruments. But the greatest curiosity, upon which the fate of the island
depends, is a loadstone of a prodigious size, in shape resembling a
weaver's shuttle. It is in length six yards, and in the thickest part at
least three yards over. This magnet is sustained by a very strong axle of
adamant passing through its middle, upon which it plays, and is poised so
exactly that the weakest hand can turn it. It is hooped round with a hollow
cylinder of adamant, four feet deep, as many thick, and twelve yards in
diameter, placed horizontally, and supported by eight adamantine feet, each six
yards high. In the middle of the concave side, there is a groove twelve inches
deep, in which the extremities of the axle are lodged, and turned round as
there is occasion.
The stone cannot be removed from its place by any force, because the hoop and
its feet are one continued piece with that body of adamant which constitutes
the bottom of the island.
By means of this loadstone, the island is made to rise and fall, and move from
one place to another. For, with respect to that part of the earth over which
the monarch presides, the stone is endued at one of its sides with an
attractive power, and at the other with a repulsive. Upon placing the magnet
erect, with its attracting end towards the earth, the island descends; but when
the repelling extremity points downwards, the island mounts directly upwards.
When the position of the stone is oblique, the motion of the island is so too.
For in this magnet, the forces always act in lines parallel to its direction.
By this oblique motion, the island is conveyed to different parts of the
monarch's dominions. To explain the manner of its progress, let A
B represent a line drawn across the dominions of Balnibarbi, let the
line c d represent the loadstone, of which let d be the
repelling end, and c the attracting end, the island being over C;
let the stone be placed in the position c d, with its repelling
end downwards; then the island will be driven upwards obliquely towards
D. When it is arrived at D, let the stone be turned upon its
axle, till its attracting end points towards E, and then the island will
be carried obliquely towards E; where, if the stone be again turned upon
its axle till it stands in the position E F, with its repelling
point downwards, the island will rise obliquely towards F, where, by
directing the attracting end towards G, the island may be carried to
G, and from G to H, by turning the stone, so as to make
its repelling extremity to point directly downward. And thus, by changing the
situation of the stone, as often as there is occasion, the island is made to
rise and fall by turns in an oblique direction, and by those alternate risings
and fallings (the obliquity being not considerable) is conveyed from one part
of the dominions to the other.
But it must be observed, that this island cannot move beyond the extent of the
dominions below, nor can it rise above the height of four miles. For which the
astronomers (who have written large systems concerning the stone) assign the
following reason: that the magnetic virtue does not extend beyond the distance
of four miles, and that the mineral, which acts upon the stone in the bowels of
the earth, and in the sea about six leagues distant from the shore, is not
diffused through the whole globe, but terminated with the limits of the
king's dominions; and it was easy, from the great advantage of such a
superior situation, for a prince to bring under his obedience whatever country
lay within the attraction of that magnet.
When the stone is put parallel to the plane of the horizon, the island stands
still; for in that case the extremities of it, being at equal distance from the
earth, act with equal force, the one in drawing downwards, the other in pushing
upwards, and consequently no motion can ensue.
This loadstone is under the care of certain astronomers, who, from time to
time, give it such positions as the monarch directs. They spend the greatest
part of their lives in observing the celestial bodies, which they do by the
assistance of glasses, far excelling ours in goodness. For, although their
largest telescopes do not exceed three feet, they magnify much more than those
of a hundred with us, and show the stars with greater clearness. This advantage
has enabled them to extend their discoveries much further than our astronomers
in Europe; for they have made a catalogue of ten thousand fixed stars, whereas
the largest of ours do not contain above one third part of that number. They
have likewise discovered two lesser stars, or satellites, which revolve about
Mars; whereof the innermost is distant from the centre of the primary planet
exactly three of his diameters, and the outermost, five; the former revolves in
the space of ten hours, and the latter in twenty-one and a half; so that the
squares of their periodical times are very near in the same proportion with the
cubes of their distance from the centre of Mars; which evidently shows them to
be governed by the same law of gravitation that influences the other heavenly
bodies.
They have observed ninety-three different comets, and settled their periods
with great exactness. If this be true (and they affirm it with great
confidence) it is much to be wished, that their observations were made public,
whereby the theory of comets, which at present is very lame and defective,
might be brought to the same perfection with other arts of astronomy.
The king would be the most absolute prince in the universe, if he could but
prevail on a ministry to join with him; but these having their estates below on
the continent, and considering that the office of a favourite has a very
uncertain tenure, would never consent to the enslaving of their country.
If any town should engage in rebellion or mutiny, fall into violent factions,
or refuse to pay the usual tribute, the king has two methods of reducing them
to obedience. The first and the mildest course is, by keeping the island
hovering over such a town, and the lands about it, whereby he can deprive them
of the benefit of the sun and the rain, and consequently afflict the
inhabitants with dearth and diseases. And if the crime deserve it, they are at
the same time pelted from above with great stones, against which they have no
defence but by creeping into cellars or caves, while the roofs of their houses
are beaten to pieces. But if they still continue obstinate, or offer to raise
insurrections, he proceeds to the last remedy, by letting the island drop
directly upon their heads, which makes a universal destruction both of houses
and men. However, this is an extremity to which the prince is seldom driven,
neither indeed is he willing to put it in execution; nor dare his ministers
advise him to an action, which, as it would render them odious to the people,
so it would be a great damage to their own estates, which all lie below; for
the island is the king's demesne.
But there is still indeed a more weighty reason, why the kings of this country
have been always averse from executing so terrible an action, unless upon the
utmost necessity. For, if the town intended to be destroyed should have in it
any tall rocks, as it generally falls out in the larger cities, a situation
probably chosen at first with a view to prevent such a catastrophe; or if it
abound in high spires, or pillars of stone, a sudden fall might endanger the
bottom or under surface of the island, which, although it consist, as I have
said, of one entire adamant, two hundred yards thick, might happen to crack by
too great a shock, or burst by approaching too near the fires from the houses
below, as the backs, both of iron and stone, will often do in our chimneys. Of
all this the people are well apprised, and understand how far to carry their
obstinacy, where their liberty or property is concerned. And the king, when he
is highest provoked, and most determined to press a city to rubbish, orders the
island to descend with great gentleness, out of a pretence of tenderness to his
people, but, indeed, for fear of breaking the adamantine bottom; in which case,
it is the opinion of all their philosophers, that the loadstone could no longer
hold it up, and the whole mass would fall to the ground.
About three years before my arrival among them, while the king was in his
progress over his dominions, there happened an extraordinary accident which had
like to have put a period to the fate of that monarchy, at least as it is now
instituted. Lindalino, the second city in the kingdom, was the first his
majesty visited in his progress. Three days after his departure the
inhabitants, who had often complained of great oppressions, shut the town
gates, seized on the governor, and with incredible speed and labour erected
four large towers, one at every corner of the city (which is an exact square),
equal in height to a strong pointed rock that stands directly in the centre of
the city. Upon the top of each tower, as well as upon the rock, they fixed a
great loadstone, and in case their design should fail, they had provided a vast
quantity of the most combustible fuel, hoping to burst therewith the adamantine
bottom of the island, if the loadstone project should miscarry.
It was eight months before the king had perfect notice that the Lindalinians
were in rebellion. He then commanded that the island should be wafted over the
city. The people were unanimous, and had laid in store of provisions, and a
great river runs through the middle of the town. The king hovered over them
several days to deprive them of the sun and the rain. He ordered many
packthreads to be let down, yet not a person offered to send up a petition, but
instead thereof very bold demands, the redress of all their grievances, great
immunities, the choice of their own governor, and other the like exorbitances.
Upon which his majesty commanded all the inhabitants of the island to cast
great stones from tho lower gallery into the town; but the citizens had
provided against this mischief by conveying their persons and effects into the
four towers, and other strong buildings, and vaults underground.
The king being now determined to reduce this proud people, ordered that the
island should descend gently within forty yards of the top of the towers and
rock. This was accordingly done; but the officers employed in that work found
the descent much speedier than usual, and by turning the loadstone could not
without great difficulty keep it in a firm position, but found the island
inclining to fall. They sent the king immediate intelligence of this
astonishing event, and begged his majesty's permission to raise the
island higher; the king consented, a general council was called, and the
officers of the loadstone ordered to attend. One of the oldest and expertest
among them obtained leave to try an experiment, he took a strong line of an
hundred yards, and the island being raised over the town above the attracting
power they had felt, he fastened a piece of adamant to the end of his line,
which had in it a mixture of iron mineral, of the same nature with that whereof
the bottom or lower surface of the island is composed, and from the lower
gallery let it down slowly towards the top of the towers. The adamant was not
descended four yards, before the officer felt it drawn so strongly downwards
that he could hardly pull it back, he then threw down several small pieces of
adamant, and observed that they were all violently attracted by the top of the
tower. The same experiment was made on the other three towers, and on the rock
with the same effect.
This incident broke entirely the king's measures, and (to dwell no longer
on other circumstances) he was forced to give the town their own conditions.
I was assured by a great minister that if the island had descended so near the
town as not to be able to raise itself, the citizens were determined to fix it
for ever, to kill the king and all his servants, and entirely change the
government.
By a fundamental law of this realm, neither the king, nor either of his two
eldest sons, are permitted to leave the island; nor the queen, till she is past
child-bearing.
CHAPTER IV.
The author leaves Laputa; is conveyed to Balnibarbi; arrives at the metropolis.
A description of the metropolis, and the country adjoining. The author
hospitably received by a great lord. His conversation with that lord.
Although I cannot say that I was ill treated in this island, yet I must confess
I thought myself too much neglected, not without some degree of contempt; for
neither prince nor people appeared to be curious in any part of knowledge,
except mathematics and music, wherein I was far their inferior, and upon that
account very little regarded.
On the other side, after having seen all the curiosities of the island, I was
very desirous to leave it, being heartily weary of those people. They were
indeed excellent in two sciences for which I have great esteem, and wherein I
am not unversed; but, at the same time, so abstracted and involved in
speculation, that I never met with such disagreeable companions. I conversed
only with women, tradesmen, flappers, and court-pages, during two months of my
abode there; by which, at last, I rendered myself extremely contemptible; yet
these were the only people from whom I could ever receive a reasonable answer.
I had obtained, by hard study, a good degree of knowledge in their language; I
was weary of being confined to an island where I received so little
countenance, and resolved to leave it with the first opportunity.
There was a great lord at court, nearly related to the king, and for that
reason alone used with respect. He was universally reckoned the most ignorant
and stupid person among them. He had performed many eminent services for the
crown, had great natural and acquired parts, adorned with integrity and honour;
but so ill an ear for music, that his detractors reported, ``he had been
often known to beat time in the wrong place;'' neither could his tutors,
without extreme difficulty, teach him to demonstrate the most easy proposition
in the mathematics. He was pleased to show me many marks of favour, often did
me the honour of a visit, desired to be informed in the affairs of Europe, the
laws and customs, the manners and learning of the several countries where I had
travelled. He listened to me with great attention, and made very wise
observations on all I spoke. He had two flappers attending him for state, but
never made use of them, except at court and in visits of ceremony, and would
always command them to withdraw, when we were alone together.
I entreated this illustrious person, to intercede in my behalf with his
majesty, for leave to depart; which he accordingly did, as he was pleased to
tell me, with regret: for indeed he had made me several offers very
advantageous, which, however, I refused, with expressions of the highest
acknowledgment.
On the 16th day of February I took leave of his majesty and the court. The king
made me a present to the value of about two hundred pounds English, and my
protector, his kinsman, as much more, together with a letter of recommendation
to a friend of his in Lagado, the metropolis. The island being then hovering
over a mountain about two miles from it, I was let down from the lowest
gallery, in the same manner as I had been taken up.
The continent, as far as it is subject to the monarch of the flying island,
passes under the general name of Balnibarbi; and the metropolis, as I
said before, is called Lagado. I felt some little satisfaction in
finding myself on firm ground. I walked to the city without any concern, being
clad like one of the natives, and sufficiently instructed to converse with
them. I soon found out the person's house to whom I was recommended,
presented my letter from his friend the grandee in the island, and was received
with much kindness. This great lord, whose name was Munodi, ordered me an
apartment in his own house, where I continued during my stay, and was
entertained in a most hospitable manner.
The next morning after my arrival, he took me in his chariot to see the town,
which is about half the bigness of London; but the houses very strangely built,
and most of them out of repair. The people in the streets walked fast, looked
wild, their eyes fixed, and were generally in rags. We passed through one of
the town gates, and went about three miles into the country, where I saw many
labourers working with several sorts of tools in the ground, but was not able
to conjecture what they were about; neither did I observe any expectation
either of corn or grass, although the soil appeared to be excellent. I could
not forbear admiring at these odd appearances, both in town and country; and I
made bold to desire my conductor, that he would be pleased to explain to me,
what could be meant by so many busy heads, hands, and faces, both in the
streets and the fields, because I did not discover any good effects they
produced; but, on the contrary, I never knew a soil so unhappily cultivated,
houses so ill contrived and so ruinous, or a people whose countenances and
habit expressed so much misery and want.
This lord Munodi was a person of the first rank, and had been some years
governor of Lagado; but, by a cabal of ministers, was discharged for
insufficiency. However, the king treated him with tenderness, as a well-meaning
man, but of a low contemptible understanding.
When I gave that free censure of the country and its inhabitants, he made no
further answer than by telling me, ``that I had not been long enough among
them to form a judgment; and that the different nations of the world had
different customs;'' with other common topics to the same purpose. But,
when we returned to his palace, he asked me ``how I liked the building,
what absurdities I observed, and what quarrel I had with the dress or looks of
his domestics?'' This he might safely do; because every thing about him
was magnificent, regular, and polite. I answered, ``that his
excellency's prudence, quality, and fortune, had exempted him from those
defects, which folly and beggary had produced in others.'' He said,
“if I would go with him to his country-house, about twenty miles distant,
where his estate lay, there would be more leisure for this kind of
conversation.'' I told his excellency ``that I was entirely at his
disposal;'' and accordingly we set out next morning.
During our journey he made me observe the several methods used by farmers in
managing their lands, which to me were wholly unaccountable; for, except in
some very few places, I could not discover one ear of corn or blade of grass.
But, in three hours travelling, the scene was wholly altered; we came into a
most beautiful country; farmers' houses, at small distances, neatly
built; the fields enclosed, containing vineyards, corn-grounds, and meadows.
Neither do I remember to have seen a more delightful prospect. His excellency
observed my countenance to clear up; he told me, with a sigh, ``that there
his estate began, and would continue the same, till we should come to his
house: that his countrymen ridiculed and despised him, for managing his affairs
no better, and for setting so ill an example to the kingdom; which, however,
was followed by very few, such as were old, and wilful, and weak like
himself.”
We came at length to the house, which was indeed a noble structure, built
according to the best rules of ancient architecture. The fountains, gardens,
walks, avenues, and groves, were all disposed with exact judgment and taste. I
gave due praises to every thing I saw, whereof his excellency took not the
least notice till after supper; when, there being no third companion, he told
me with a very melancholy air ``that he doubted he must throw down his
houses in town and country, to rebuild them after the present mode; destroy all
his plantations, and cast others into such a form as modern usage required, and
give the same directions to all his tenants, unless he would submit to incur
the censure of pride, singularity, affectation, ignorance, caprice, and perhaps
increase his majesty's displeasure; that the admiration I appeared to be
under would cease or diminish, when he had informed me of some particulars
which, probably, I never heard of at court, the people there being too much
taken up in their own speculations, to have regard to what passed here
below.”
The sum of his discourse was to this effect: ``That about forty years ago,
certain persons went up to Laputa, either upon business or diversion, and,
after five months continuance, came back with a very little smattering in
mathematics, but full of volatile spirits acquired in that airy region: that
these persons, upon their return, began to dislike the management of every
thing below, and fell into schemes of putting all arts, sciences, languages,
and mechanics, upon a new foot. To this end, they procured a royal patent for
erecting an academy of projectors in Lagado; and the humour prevailed so
strongly among the people, that there is not a town of any consequence in the
kingdom without such an academy. In these colleges the professors contrive new
rules and methods of agriculture and building, and new instruments, and tools
for all trades and manufactures; whereby, as they undertake, one man shall do
the work of ten; a palace may be built in a week, of materials so durable as to
last for ever without repairing. All the fruits of the earth shall come to
maturity at whatever season we think fit to choose, and increase a hundred fold
more than they do at present; with innumerable other happy proposals. The only
inconvenience is, that none of these projects are yet brought to perfection;
and in the mean time, the whole country lies miserably waste, the houses in
ruins, and the people without food or clothes. By all which, instead of being
discouraged, they are fifty times more violently bent upon prosecuting their
schemes, driven equally on by hope and despair: that as for himself, being not
of an enterprising spirit, he was content to go on in the old forms, to live in
the houses his ancestors had built, and act as they did, in every part of life,
without innovation: that some few other persons of quality and gentry had done
the same, but were looked on with an eye of contempt and ill-will, as enemies
to art, ignorant, and ill common-wealth's men, preferring their own ease
and sloth before the general improvement of their country.”
His lordship added, ``That he would not, by any further particulars,
prevent the pleasure I should certainly take in viewing the grand academy,
whither he was resolved I should go.'' He only desired me to observe a
ruined building, upon the side of a mountain about three miles distant, of
which he gave me this account: ``That he had a very convenient mill within
half a mile of his house, turned by a current from a large river, and
sufficient for his own family, as well as a great number of his tenants; that
about seven years ago, a club of those projectors came to him with proposals to
destroy this mill, and build another on the side of that mountain, on the long
ridge whereof a long canal must be cut, for a repository of water, to be
conveyed up by pipes and engines to supply the mill, because the wind and air
upon a height agitated the water, and thereby made it fitter for motion, and
because the water, descending down a declivity, would turn the mill with half
the current of a river whose course is more upon a level.'' He said,
“that being then not very well with the court, and pressed by many of his
friends, he complied with the proposal; and after employing a hundred men for
two years, the work miscarried, the projectors went off, laying the blame
entirely upon him, railing at him ever since, and putting others upon the same
experiment, with equal assurance of success, as well as equal
disappointment.”
In a few days we came back to town; and his excellency, considering the bad
character he had in the academy, would not go with me himself, but recommended
me to a friend of his, to bear me company thither. My lord was pleased to
represent me as a great admirer of projects, and a person of much curiosity and
easy belief; which, indeed, was not without truth; for I had myself been a sort
of projector in my younger days.
CHAPTER V.
The author permitted to see the grand academy of Lagado. The academy largely
described. The arts wherein the professors employ themselves.
This academy is not an entire single building, but a continuation of several
houses on both sides of a street, which growing waste, was purchased and
applied to that use.
I was received very kindly by the warden, and went for many days to the
academy. Every room has in it one or more projectors; and I believe I could not
be in fewer than five hundred rooms.
The first man I saw was of a meagre aspect, with sooty hands and face, his hair
and beard long, ragged, and singed in several places. His clothes, shirt, and
skin, were all of the same colour. He had been eight years upon a project for
extracting sunbeams out of cucumbers, which were to be put in phials
hermetically sealed, and let out to warm the air in raw inclement summers. He
told me, he did not doubt, that, in eight years more, he should be able to
supply the governor's gardens with sunshine, at a reasonable rate; but he
complained that his stock was low, and entreated me ``to give him
something as an encouragement to ingenuity, especially since this had been a
very dear season for cucumbers.'' I made him a small present, for my lord
had furnished me with money on purpose, because he knew their practice of
begging from all who go to see them.
I went into another chamber, but was ready to hasten back, being almost
overcome with a horrible stink. My conductor pressed me forward, conjuring me
in a whisper ``to give no offence, which would be highly resented;”
and therefore I durst not so much as stop my nose. The projector of this cell
was the most ancient student of the academy; his face and beard were of a pale
yellow; his hands and clothes daubed over with filth. When I was presented to
him, he gave me a close embrace, a compliment I could well have excused. His
employment, from his first coming into the academy, was an operation to reduce
human excrement to its original food, by separating the several parts, removing
the tincture which it receives from the gall, making the odour exhale, and
scumming off the saliva. He had a weekly allowance, from the society, of a
vessel filled with human ordure, about the bigness of a Bristol barrel.
I saw another at work to calcine ice into gunpowder; who likewise showed me a
treatise he had written concerning the malleability of fire, which he intended
to publish.
There was a most ingenious architect, who had contrived a new method for
building houses, by beginning at the roof, and working downward to the
foundation; which he justified to me, by the like practice of those two prudent
insects, the bee and the spider.
There was a man born blind, who had several apprentices in his own condition:
their employment was to mix colours for painters, which their master taught
them to distinguish by feeling and smelling. It was indeed my misfortune to
find them at that time not very perfect in their lessons, and the professor
himself happened to be generally mistaken. This artist is much encouraged and
esteemed by the whole fraternity.
In another apartment I was highly pleased with a projector who had found a
device of ploughing the ground with hogs, to save the charges of ploughs,
cattle, and labour. The method is this: in an acre of ground you bury, at six
inches distance and eight deep, a quantity of acorns, dates, chestnuts, and
other mast or vegetables, whereof these animals are fondest; then you drive six
hundred or more of them into the field, where, in a few days, they will root up
the whole ground in search of their food, and make it fit for sowing, at the
same time manuring it with their dung: it is true, upon experiment, they found
the charge and trouble very great, and they had little or no crop. However it
is not doubted, that this invention may be capable of great improvement.
I went into another room, where the walls and ceiling were all hung round with
cobwebs, except a narrow passage for the artist to go in and out. At my
entrance, he called aloud to me, ``not to disturb his webs.'' He
lamented ``the fatal mistake the world had been so long in, of using
silkworms, while we had such plenty of domestic insects who infinitely excelled
the former, because they understood how to weave, as well as spin.'' And
he proposed further, ``that by employing spiders, the charge of dyeing
silks should be wholly saved;'' whereof I was fully convinced, when he
showed me a vast number of flies most beautifully coloured, wherewith he fed
his spiders, assuring us ``that the webs would take a tincture from them;
and as he had them of all hues, he hoped to fit everybody's fancy, as
soon as he could find proper food for the flies, of certain gums, oils, and
other glutinous matter, to give a strength and consistence to the
threads.”
There was an astronomer, who had undertaken to place a sun-dial upon the great
weathercock on the town-house, by adjusting the annual and diurnal motions of
the earth and sun, so as to answer and coincide with all accidental turnings of
the wind.
I was complaining of a small fit of the colic, upon which my conductor led me
into a room where a great physician resided, who was famous for curing that
disease, by contrary operations from the same instrument. He had a large pair
of bellows, with a long slender muzzle of ivory. This he conveyed eight inches
up the anus, and drawing in the wind, he affirmed he could make the guts as
lank as a dried bladder. But when the disease was more stubborn and violent, he
let in the muzzle while the bellows were full of wind, which he discharged into
the body of the patient; then withdrew the instrument to replenish it, clapping
his thumb strongly against the orifice of the fundament; and this being
repeated three or four times, the adventitious wind would rush out, bringing
the noxious along with it, (like water put into a pump), and the patient
recovered. I saw him try both experiments upon a dog, but could not discern any
effect from the former. After the latter the animal was ready to burst, and
made so violent a discharge as was very offensive to me and my companions. The
dog died on the spot, and we left the doctor endeavouring to recover him, by
the same operation.
I visited many other apartments, but shall not trouble my reader with all the
curiosities I observed, being studious of brevity.
I had hitherto seen only one side of the academy, the other being appropriated
to the advancers of speculative learning, of whom I shall say something, when I
have mentioned one illustrious person more, who is called among them ``the
universal artist.'' He told us ``he had been thirty years employing
his thoughts for the improvement of human life.'' He had two large rooms
full of wonderful curiosities, and fifty men at work. Some were condensing air
into a dry tangible substance, by extracting the nitre, and letting the aqueous
or fluid particles percolate; others softening marble, for pillows and
pin-cushions; others petrifying the hoofs of a living horse, to preserve them
from foundering. The artist himself was at that time busy upon two great
designs; the first, to sow land with chaff, wherein he affirmed the true
seminal virtue to be contained, as he demonstrated by several experiments,
which I was not skilful enough to comprehend. The other was, by a certain
composition of gums, minerals, and vegetables, outwardly applied, to prevent
the growth of wool upon two young lambs; and he hoped, in a reasonable time to
propagate the breed of naked sheep, all over the kingdom.
We crossed a walk to the other part of the academy, where, as I have already
said, the projectors in speculative learning resided.
The first professor I saw, was in a very large room, with forty pupils about
him. After salutation, observing me to look earnestly upon a frame, which took
up the greatest part of both the length and breadth of the room, he said,
“Perhaps I might wonder to see him employed in a project for improving
speculative knowledge, by practical and mechanical operations. But the world
would soon be sensible of its usefulness; and he flattered himself, that a more
noble, exalted thought never sprang in any other man's head. Every one
knew how laborious the usual method is of attaining to arts and sciences;
whereas, by his contrivance, the most ignorant person, at a reasonable charge,
and with a little bodily labour, might write books in philosophy, poetry,
politics, laws, mathematics, and theology, without the least assistance from
genius or study.'' He then led me to the frame, about the sides, whereof
all his pupils stood in ranks. It was twenty feet square, placed in the middle
of the room. The superfices was composed of several bits of wood, about the
bigness of a die, but some larger than others. They were all linked together by
slender wires. These bits of wood were covered, on every square, with paper
pasted on them; and on these papers were written all the words of their
language, in their several moods, tenses, and declensions; but without any
order. The professor then desired me ``to observe; for he was going to set
his engine at work.'' The pupils, at his command, took each of them hold
of an iron handle, whereof there were forty fixed round the edges of the frame;
and giving them a sudden turn, the whole disposition of the words was entirely
changed. He then commanded six-and-thirty of the lads, to read the several
lines softly, as they appeared upon the frame; and where they found three or
four words together that might make part of a sentence, they dictated to the
four remaining boys, who were scribes. This work was repeated three or four
times, and at every turn, the engine was so contrived, that the words shifted
into new places, as the square bits of wood moved upside down.
Six hours a day the young students were employed in this labour; and the
professor showed me several volumes in large folio, already collected, of
broken sentences, which he intended to piece together, and out of those rich
materials, to give the world a complete body of all arts and sciences; which,
however, might be still improved, and much expedited, if the public would raise
a fund for making and employing five hundred such frames in Lagado, and oblige
the managers to contribute in common their several collections.
He assured me ``that this invention had employed all his thoughts from his
youth; that he had emptied the whole vocabulary into his frame, and made the
strictest computation of the general proportion there is in books between the
numbers of particles, nouns, and verbs, and other parts of speech.”
I made my humblest acknowledgment to this illustrious person, for his great
communicativeness; and promised, ``if ever I had the good fortune to
return to my native country, that I would do him justice, as the sole inventor
of this wonderful machine;'' the form and contrivance of which I desired
leave to delineate on paper, as in the figure here annexed. I told him,
“although it were the custom of our learned in Europe to steal inventions
from each other, who had thereby at least this advantage, that it became a
controversy which was the right owner; yet I would take such caution, that he
should have the honour entire, without a rival.”
We next went to the school of languages, where three professors sat in
consultation upon improving that of their own country.
The first project was, to shorten discourse, by cutting polysyllables into one,
and leaving out verbs and participles, because, in reality, all things
imaginable are but norms.
The other project was, a scheme for entirely abolishing all words whatsoever;
and this was urged as a great advantage in point of health, as well as brevity.
For it is plain, that every word we speak is, in some degree, a diminution of
our lungs by corrosion, and, consequently, contributes to the shortening of our
lives. An expedient was therefore offered, ``that since words are only
names for things, it would be more convenient for all men to carry about
them such things as were necessary to express a particular business they are to
discourse on.'' And this invention would certainly have taken place, to
the great ease as well as health of the subject, if the women, in conjunction
with the vulgar and illiterate, had not threatened to raise a rebellion unless
they might be allowed the liberty to speak with their tongues, after the manner
of their forefathers; such constant irreconcilable enemies to science are the
common people. However, many of the most learned and wise adhere to the new
scheme of expressing themselves by things; which has only this inconvenience
attending it, that if a man's business be very great, and of various
kinds, he must be obliged, in proportion, to carry a greater bundle of things
upon his back, unless he can afford one or two strong servants to attend him. I
have often beheld two of those sages almost sinking under the weight of their
packs, like pedlars among us, who, when they met in the street, would lay down
their loads, open their sacks, and hold conversation for an hour together; then
put up their implements, help each other to resume their burdens, and take
their leave.
But for short conversations, a man may carry implements in his pockets, and
under his arms, enough to supply him; and in his house, he cannot be at a loss.
Therefore the room where company meet who practise this art, is full of all
things, ready at hand, requisite to furnish matter for this kind of artificial
converse.
Another great advantage proposed by this invention was, that it would serve as
a universal language, to be understood in all civilised nations, whose goods
and utensils are generally of the same kind, or nearly resembling, so that
their uses might easily be comprehended. And thus ambassadors would be
qualified to treat with foreign princes, or ministers of state, to whose
tongues they were utter strangers.
I was at the mathematical school, where the master taught his pupils after a
method scarce imaginable to us in Europe. The proposition, and demonstration,
were fairly written on a thin wafer, with ink composed of a cephalic tincture.
This, the student was to swallow upon a fasting stomach, and for three days
following, eat nothing but bread and water. As the wafer digested, the tincture
mounted to his brain, bearing the proposition along with it. But the success
has not hitherto been answerable, partly by some error in the quantum or
composition, and partly by the perverseness of lads, to whom this bolus is so
nauseous, that they generally steal aside, and discharge it upwards, before it
can operate; neither have they been yet persuaded to use so long an abstinence,
as the prescription requires.
CHAPTER VI.
A further account of the academy. The author proposes some improvements, which
are honourably received.
In the school of political projectors, I was but ill entertained; the
professors appearing, in my judgment, wholly out of their senses, which is a
scene that never fails to make me melancholy. These unhappy people were
proposing schemes for persuading monarchs to choose favourites upon the score
of their wisdom, capacity, and virtue; of teaching ministers to consult the
public good; of rewarding merit, great abilities, eminent services; of
instructing princes to know their true interest, by placing it on the same
foundation with that of their people; of choosing for employments persons
qualified to exercise them, with many other wild, impossible chimeras, that
never entered before into the heart of man to conceive; and confirmed in me the
old observation, ``that there is nothing so extravagant and irrational,
which some philosophers have not maintained for truth.”
But, however, I shall so far do justice to this part of the Academy, as to
acknowledge that all of them were not so visionary. There was a most ingenious
doctor, who seemed to be perfectly versed in the whole nature and system of
government. This illustrious person had very usefully employed his studies, in
finding out effectual remedies for all diseases and corruptions to which the
several kinds of public administration are subject, by the vices or infirmities
of those who govern, as well as by the licentiousness of those who are to obey.
For instance: whereas all writers and reasoners have agreed, that there is a
strict universal resemblance between the natural and the political body; can
there be any thing more evident, than that the health of both must be
preserved, and the diseases cured, by the same prescriptions? It is allowed,
that senates and great councils are often troubled with redundant, ebullient,
and other peccant humours; with many diseases of the head, and more of the
heart; with strong convulsions, with grievous contractions of the nerves and
sinews in both hands, but especially the right; with spleen, flatus, vertigos,
and deliriums; with scrofulous tumours, full of fetid purulent matter; with
sour frothy ructations: with canine appetites, and crudeness of digestion,
besides many others, needless to mention. This doctor therefore proposed,
“that upon the meeting of the senate, certain physicians should attend it
the three first days of their sitting, and at the close of each day's
debate feel the pulses of every senator; after which, having maturely
considered and consulted upon the nature of the several maladies, and the
methods of cure, they should on the fourth day return to the senate house,
attended by their apothecaries stored with proper medicines; and before the
members sat, administer to each of them lenitives, aperitives, abstersives,
corrosives, restringents, palliatives, laxatives, cephalalgics, icterics,
apophlegmatics, acoustics, as their several cases required; and, according as
these medicines should operate, repeat, alter, or omit them, at the next
meeting.”
This project could not be of any great expense to the public; and might in my
poor opinion, be of much use for the despatch of business, in those countries
where senates have any share in the legislative power; beget unanimity, shorten
debates, open a few mouths which are now closed, and close many more which are
now open; curb the petulancy of the young, and correct the positiveness of the
old; rouse the stupid, and damp the pert.
Again, because it is a general complaint, that the favourites of princes are
troubled with short and weak memories; the same doctor proposed, ``that
whoever attended a first minister, after having told his business, with the
utmost brevity and in the plainest words, should, at his departure, give the
said minister a tweak by the nose, or a kick in the belly, or tread on his
corns, or lug him thrice by both ears, or run a pin into his breech; or pinch
his arm black and blue, to prevent forgetfulness; and at every levee day,
repeat the same operation, till the business were done, or absolutely
refused.”
He likewise directed, ``that every senator in the great council of a
nation, after he had delivered his opinion, and argued in the defence of it,
should be obliged to give his vote directly contrary; because if that were
done, the result would infallibly terminate in the good of the public.”
When parties in a state are violent, he offered a wonderful contrivance to
reconcile them. The method is this: You take a hundred leaders of each party;
you dispose them into couples of such whose heads are nearest of a size; then
let two nice operators saw off the occiput of each couple at the same time, in
such a manner that the brain may be equally divided. Let the occiputs, thus cut
off, be interchanged, applying each to the head of his opposite party-man. It
seems indeed to be a work that requires some exactness, but the professor
assured us, ``that if it were dexterously performed, the cure would be
infallible.'' For he argued thus: ``that the two half brains being
left to debate the matter between themselves within the space of one skull,
would soon come to a good understanding, and produce that moderation, as well
as regularity of thinking, so much to be wished for in the heads of those, who
imagine they come into the world only to watch and govern its motion: and as to
the difference of brains, in quantity or quality, among those who are directors
in faction,'' the doctor assured us, from his own knowledge, that
“it was a perfect trifle.”
I heard a very warm debate between two professors, about the most commodious
and effectual ways and means of raising money, without grieving the subject.
The first affirmed, ``the justest method would be, to lay a certain tax
upon vices and folly; and the sum fixed upon every man to be rated, after the
fairest manner, by a jury of his neighbours.'' The second was of an
opinion directly contrary; ``to tax those qualities of body and mind, for
which men chiefly value themselves; the rate to be more or less, according to
the degrees of excelling; the decision whereof should be left entirely to their
own breast.'' The highest tax was upon men who are the greatest favourites
of the other sex, and the assessments, according to the number and nature of
the favours they have received; for which, they are allowed to be their own
vouchers. Wit, valour, and politeness, were likewise proposed to be largely
taxed, and collected in the same manner, by every person's giving his own
word for the quantum of what he possessed. But as to honour, justice, wisdom,
and learning, they should not be taxed at all; because they are qualifications
of so singular a kind, that no man will either allow them in his neighbour or
value them in himself.
The women were proposed to be taxed according to their beauty and skill in
dressing, wherein they had the same privilege with the men, to be determined by
their own judgment. But constancy, chastity, good sense, and good nature, were
not rated, because they would not bear the charge of collecting.
To keep senators in the interest of the crown, it was proposed that the members
should raffle for employments; every man first taking an oath, and giving
security, that he would vote for the court, whether he won or not; after which,
the losers had, in their turn, the liberty of raffling upon the next vacancy.
Thus, hope and expectation would be kept alive; none would complain of broken
promises, but impute their disappointments wholly to fortune, whose shoulders
are broader and stronger than those of a ministry.
Another professor showed me a large paper of instructions for discovering plots
and conspiracies against the government. He advised great statesmen to examine
into the diet of all suspected persons; their times of eating; upon which side
they lay in bed; with which hand they wipe their posteriors; take a strict view
of their excrements, and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the
consistence, the crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a judgment of their
thoughts and designs; because men are never so serious, thoughtful, and intent,
as when they are at stool, which he found by frequent experiment; for, in such
conjunctures, when he used, merely as a trial, to consider which was the best
way of murdering the king, his ordure would have a tincture of green; but quite
different, when he thought only of raising an insurrection, or burning the
metropolis.
The whole discourse was written with great acuteness, containing many
observations, both curious and useful for politicians; but, as I conceived, not
altogether complete. This I ventured to tell the author, and offered, if he
pleased, to supply him with some additions. He received my proposition with
more compliance than is usual among writers, especially those of the projecting
species, professing ``he would be glad to receive further
information.”
I told him, ``that in the kingdom of Tribnia,
by the natives called Langden,
where I had sojourned some time in my travels, the bulk of the people consist
in a manner wholly of discoverers, witnesses, informers, accusers, prosecutors,
evidences, swearers, together with their several subservient and subaltern
instruments, all under the colours, the conduct, and the pay of ministers of
state, and their deputies. The plots, in that kingdom, are usually the
workmanship of those persons who desire to raise their own characters of
profound politicians; to restore new vigour to a crazy administration; to
stifle or divert general discontents; to fill their coffers with forfeitures;
and raise, or sink the opinion of public credit, as either shall best answer
their private advantage. It is first agreed and settled among them, what
suspected persons shall be accused of a plot; then, effectual care is taken to
secure all their letters and papers, and put the owners in chains. These papers
are delivered to a set of artists, very dexterous in finding out the mysterious
meanings of words, syllables, and letters: for instance, they can discover a
close stool, to signify a privy council; a flock of geese, a senate; a lame
dog, an invader; a codshead; a ——; the plague, a standing army; a
buzzard, a prime minister; the gout, a high priest; a gibbet, a secretary of
state; a chamber pot, a committee of grandees; a sieve, a court lady; a broom,
a revolution; a mouse-trap, an employment; a bottomless pit, a treasury; a
sink, a court; a cap and bells, a favourite; a broken reed, a court of justice;
an empty tun, a general; a running sore, the administration.
“When this method fails, they have two others more effectual, which the
learned among them call acrostics and anagrams. First, they can decipher all
initial letters into political meanings. Thus N. shall signify a plot;
B. a regiment of horse; L. a fleet at sea; or, secondly, by
transposing the letters of the alphabet in any suspected paper, they can lay
open the deepest designs of a discontented party. So, for example, if I should
say, in a letter to a friend, `Our brother Tom has just got the
piles,' a skilful decipherer would discover, that the same letters which
compose that sentence, may be analysed into the following words, `Resist,
a plot is brought home; The tour.' And this is the anagrammatic
method.”
The professor made me great acknowledgments for communicating these
observations, and promised to make honourable mention of me in his treatise.
I saw nothing in this country that could invite me to a longer continuance, and
began to think of returning home to England.